I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
