so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
