your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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