Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
