Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
