well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
