are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
