i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
