just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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