Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You can't special order awesome
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
