i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
