I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
