don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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