i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
