I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
