The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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