why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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