Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
