It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
