Please, let me fuck your mom
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
