so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
