Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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