She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
