Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
