apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
