the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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