Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
