TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
