I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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