Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
