Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
we should paint friendship bongs
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