I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
