in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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