your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
