what day is it and did you see me today?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
