just come out here and I will go home with you...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
