Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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