: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
