dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
