Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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