You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
