my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
