Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
