is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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