shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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