I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
