Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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