I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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