He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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