why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
