why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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