One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
